Something to not be Optimistic about
It was this article that I link to you now that started me off on this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/jul/20/thom-yorke-twilight-sequel-soundtrack
Before I begin this, I will answer two questions before they are asked. Yes, this is another rant relating to Twilight. And yes, I am a huge Radiohead fan, and especially of Thom Yorke so I may be a little (okay, maybe more than a little) biased.
So to sum up the article above, Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke is reportedly “interested” in contributing music to the soundtrack of the movie version of the Stephenie Meyer novel New Moon. I almost fell out of my chair when I read this.
It didn’t make sense to me; how in the world could one of my idols, Thomas Edward Yorke, want to contribute his music, of all things, to goddamn Twilight? I don’t really need to go into excruciating detail over my dislike of Twilight; that is another blog post and a few weeks old already. However, I then read that 15 Step apparently was featured in the Twilight credits.
My issue with Thom Yorke contributing music is this: if he is so anti-corporate, why in the hell does he want to be credited in one of the biggest commercial items of this year? And at that, why choose Twilight, which has huge legions of both lovers and haters?
I was almost alright with him doing this, since the only quoted word from him was “interested.” So long as he’s not gushing over how brilliant the plot is, or, god forbid, the writing of the books, then I won’t lose respect for him, an issue I never thought I would even be thinking of.
However, the above article made a point that made me even more angry than telling me Thom Yorke may actually like Twilight, and that is this:
Nevertheless, they seem to have enjoyed the experience. “I am surprised at some of the bands that have said they’re interested [in New Moon],” director Chris Weitz told Rotten Tomatoes. “It’s kind of great. The criterion will still always be what’s right for the movie at that given moment, but Thom Yorke is interested; we might, if we’re very lucky, get Kings of Leon to do something … it’s exciting to be able to have access to this kind of talent.”
This comment may seem harmless at first glance but look carefully. New Moon’s director seems to be indirectly implying that Kings of Leon are a better band than Radiohead. Don’t get me wrong or anything, I kinda like Kings of Leon. But they are nowhere close to Radiohead as far as musical talent. Where does Chris Weitz get off, not marvelling at the fact that Thom Yorke wants to contribute music? Why would he not consider himself lucky for having him? Kings of Leon are Kings of Leon, but if Thom Yorke comes up to your doorstep you better damn well let him in.
That concludes my little rant concerning Thom Yorke and Twilight, two ideas I never though would ever be contained in the same sentence until now. I leave with this video which could be representative of how Thom Yorke feels. Perhaps some large canine animal is at his door and calls him up, calls him on the phone and tells him all the ways that he’s going to mess him up.
I’ll just get this rant out of the way…
You all know what’s coming when I mention that one accursed word: TWILIGHT.
In this day and age I don’t think it can be mentioned without it’s connotation of “shitty vampire romance novel/movie” even though the word does actually mean:
–noun
1.
the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise or, more commonly, from sunset to nightfall.
2.
the period in the morning or, more commonly, in the evening during which this light prevails.
3.
a terminal period, esp. after full development, success, etc.: the twilight of his life.
4.
a state of uncertainty, vagueness, or gloom.
I was browsing msn.ca looking for inspiration and and I stumbled across the headline that mentioned that Twlight had 12 nominations at the Teen Choice Awards for this year. I felt like if I rolled my eyes in response they would get stuck in the back of my head. I don’t remember how many years ago I watched the Teen Choice awards and turned the channel in disgust. I suppose because I’m very close to adulthood and am growing up (didn’t think it would ever happen!).
Twilight is the single worst thing to hit the teen population of the world. If the four books were not enough to make people rage, then the movie had to come out. Now, most people who support the Twilight series will say “Well, if you’ve never read one of the books how will you know how bad it is?” So, a few months ago I picked up Twilight.
I read til about page 20 and then I could not take it anymore! The main character Bella is the whiniest female protagonist I’ve ever come across. Shakespeare’s women, like Viola and Rosaline would kick her ass. Not only that, but it was just so badly written as well! After taking Writer’s Craft I couldn’t stand how Stephenie Meyer did more telling than showing. Like in the PROLOGUE when it talks of the hunter who wants “to kill” Bella. You shouldn’t have to tell the audience that the hunter wants to kill you, Bella. That is just bad storytelling, dear.
And don’t even get me started on Edward Cullen. Long before Robert Pattison ever fufilled the role, teen girls everywhere (including some of my friends, dear god) were swooning over how hot Edward was/is. How can you know he’s hot when there’s no basis for his appearance? A story’s description can only go so far.
I doubt that New Moon will be any different from the first movie in that it’ll have to be rated G since the little 9 year old girls won’t be able to go see it without begging for their mommies’ permission. Oh! And not to mention- I cannot believe that such an awesome song- Supermassive Black Hole by Muse- was used in the Twilight Movie. I am disgusted to find out that that song is their most popular on iTunes- because it’s on the soundtrack.
Okay, I believe I’m finished ranting here. I depart with this.
158 pages
So that’s really just a rough estimate of my total page count for all my attempted novels. That seems to be everyone’s goal in life; to publish an amazing novel and become famous. Believe me, I have tried. In fact, I have attempted four different novels and am currently on my fifth attempt.
I suppose my downfall is not thinking far enough ahead into the future. I will get to a certain part of a story and then I will think “Okay, now what the hell do I do for the other 200 pages?” So in a rare bit of self-deprication I will confess my four story ideas and why they failed.
Story #1- Modern Age Fantasy- I had this one all planned out. It was set in this fantastical land that had been split up by this supernatural force and this quest that these three modern-era knights embarked on in order to stop some weird occurences in this one island. This story idea came to me when I was twelve years old- and funny enough it was my longest story attempt. It got to about seventy-three pages double-spaced. Everything went downhill from there.
Story #2- Break from Fantasy and Attempt to Be a “Realistic Writer”- This idea came to me when I was thirteen. Many of the characters of this novel were based on people I knew, and I was going to set up this story of the main character and this girl and some slightly supernatural occurence that would make the protagonist realize that he needs to change the way he was. Went to about ten pages or so. Yikes.
Story #3- Another Attempt at “Realistic” Writing- There isn’t much that seperates this novel attempt from my previous attempt. Some more characters based on people I knew but totally real this time- no supernatural or fantastical events. Lasted 35 or 36 double-spaced pages.
Story #4- Lots of Research, but no Actual Story- I would call this one my biggest failure. I have a pen pal in New Zealand who I correspond with regularly, and I fell so in love with the New Zealand that was described that I decided I would write a story based in the lovely green country. I got enthusiastic about it- I got books on it from the library, watched a video on it, and began writing. It got to a page and a half- I didn’t know what to do with it.
So those were my failures, my first attempts. That fifth attempt I mentioned earlier is still ongoing, which could be promising. It talks of some very messed up demi-god-like beings who constantly kill and injure humans even though they are forbidden. Oh, you want a small excerpt? Why didn’t you ask?
“The fuck?”
“Shit, you don’t mean…”
“Ya, she’s fucking dead! What the hell did you do?”
“I mean, it’s not like I meant to…”
“Do you think Aortes is going to give a shit what your pitiful explanation is? We’re going to be erased from existence thanks to you! FUCK!”
“Will you calm down? Christ.” Allow me to introduce my good friend Aurum. He’s kind of an asshole on a good day and totally unbearable on a bad day. Today happens to be a bad day.
“No, I will not calm down! Do you know what happens when we mess with the Earth? Apparently you don’t have a fucking clue what the rules are!”
“I know what the rules are, now calm the fuck down!” I practically had to scream at the top of my lungs. “Now look, if we just explain to Aortes that it was just a mistake, nothing will happen, right?”
“Aortes knows goddamn everything we do, you son of a bitch,” you can tell when Aurum is calming down by his frequency of the usage of “fuck.”
“Well I don’t see why he would do anything to you, I was the one who killed her anyways. I’ll deal with him, don’t worry. Go home and relax or something.”
“You’re not going to get off easy though,” Aurum said, for once sounding concerned.
“He’s not going to erase me from existence though. I mean, look at Lumina; she’s killed so many humans she’s lost track. She’s still got all of her powers.”
Aurum’s eyes began to flash. “Don’t you even fucking consider bringing Lumina into this!” It was at this point that Aurum tried to tear my head off, or maybe just knock me out for a while. I quickly ducked and he fell on his face. I realized that I shouldn’t have mentioned her; it was sort of a slip of tongue and was probably going to cost me dearly in the near future.
So that was a lot of writing. I leave you with an image:
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